So, here we go again. The years is coming to an end, and it is only now that I feel like writing something. Here comes "next year I should write more" and all that stuff. The flip side is that next year should be very easy to write more than basically nothing.
I intended to use this as a creative output, but I am always postponing it. It is better to do things than just consuming them but, in the end, it feels like I am stuck in some kind of loop, and never find the time to change. I have tried many things, some very promising but consistency is my weakness. Everything seems "plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines". Maybe it is time to try some small things and try to stick to them. However, it seems so very true that "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans".
I know I am the major culprit of this feeling, but it is not entirely my fault. Modern life is becoming a trap for attention and we have not changed to adapt and resist that. Also, the world it seems to be transforming into a darker place, and if we are scared it is easier to search solace in the easy things, that are so in reach. And as we get older, and colder we pretend it is alright, but the world is changing so fast that is truly terrifying.
Opportunistic people are capitalizing on that for their own benefit, and as they benefit more, the make the world a scarier place which becomes a spiral of doom, where the big fish eats the smaller one and the rich get richer. Capitalism works that way, it only looks after the capital, and does not make long term plans, like herbivores stranded on an island with no predators that end up starving when overpopulation reaches a tipping point. So I would not be surprised if we are end up getting "laid-off", as employees of a company where the directives have an excel that reads red and they making it green by mass lay-offs and they pretend everything to work the same afterwards.
I digress, as always. But I want to keep the flow of letters running with no plan whatsoever and this is what happens when you write the first thing that comes to mind. I do not want this to be half a page of scribbled lines, I want this to be a full page of scribbled lines.
I want to get a little bit better, I want to do better than consume. And I probably been feeling like I am not using my time properly for the majority of time since I have this blog or its original incarnation which, by the way, I cannot remember where it was. It was a long time ago, and things that used to be super clear are starting to fade in my memory. Which was never that good. That is a little scary. I remember listening, some years ago, to "Perfect Life" from Steven Wilson's "Hand cannot Erase" (I had to look up the name of the song) and remember thinking that it was impossible to forget almost everything of someone so important. But now, I am starting to believe that is possible. After all, I am so bad with names. I should make a list of everyone new I met because I cannot remember a new name.
How long is a full page of scribbled lines? I have things to do, and I will try to continue this before it gets published, but I know myself and seems very unlikely. A quick search tells me somewhere between 40 to 50, so I have to keep babbling a little longer. This quick search was the new kind, where IA shows first, and at the end, if it sounds plausible and aligns with what you already believe, you take it for granted and never check everything else. I wonder, I wonder how far this will go, how would it change our lives. I have not many skills, and many of those few that I have I am not sure if they hold any value. Also, it makes up so lazy, taking a lot of mental exercise away from us, that I am afraid we will end up knowing nothing. It is utterly terrifying. Will we be discarded if we are of no use anymore?
I had the intention to use the blog just for writing some short stories, like the ones in the label Tell Tale Heart, but I could not figure how to do it. Any story about science fiction that I could came with seems to be old history regarding the current developments. I cannot imagine a future with technology that seems futuristic enough, nor I am being able to concoct a story to showcase my fears which feels that is not something that has had already happened. Maybe I will try to find some railways for me to do it and try not to think to hard about that.
Well that is enough. I have things to do and here is my full page of scribbled lines. I hope to write here again soon. We'll see...
