Let's have some random keystrokes. Automatic writing, just as in the old days. No plan, no revision, easy, and well, probably not the best, and in some weird English, more so nowadays that I really never write in English anymore.
More random keystrokes, just to get the feel of it. Why writing? Why writing here? Just to have written? Sometimes is nostalgic, sometimes is reassuring, sometimes is heartwarming, sometimes is sad. On one hand, there is this small feeling of accomplishment, on the other, this feeling of being of the uttermost unimportance (if that is the word). And always, always, a feeling of letting time go too fast, of "ticking away the moments that make up a dull day".
But anyway, let's just write. Writing uninterrupted for three quarters to an hour is no longer possible. So let's just write now, constantly interrupted.
I do not know, maybe is the music? Maybe listening to playlists does not let an unified mood to permeate enough to keep me concentrated in one idea to write.
Months pass by and I am unable to gather time, effort and courage to make just one small post. The average writing speed in this post is about a line per week. Am I running out of things too say? Or am I just become too comfortably numb? I was about to ask whether life is too much for a boy out of touch with his feelings, but there is no real value on just quoting random songs. Although... come to think of it, I think I reached the point when nobody can call me "boy", or did I? For a ninety year old a sixty year old is, maybe, a boy.
So what now?, five minutes to go, some music on the background and something I have to tend to about to finish. Is this small, incoherent post doomed to another month of draft limbo? Probably so.
Or maybe I will just press the Publish button. No schedule, no rereading, just a 'Madness' tag. Although I would have swear that I had other tag for this kind of posts. Well, it has been a while so I really do not know anymore. One minute to go, I am probably going to push that button, maybe as an allegory of starting a small change, trying to try, a little, again, to get a little better. One minute past the time to go.
This is it, a little dopamine trigger, but maybe, just maybe a little less empty than the usual ones.
